What is motherhood to me? Motherhood is a mix of adoration, love, guilt, worry and extreme passion. Motherhood for me is always feeling like I am never doing good enough when in reality I am doing the absolute best I can at any moment. Motherhood is worrying my child does not love me as much as I’d like when in reality he adores me right back. Motherhood is exhausting. And it is absolutely the best job in the world.
I am not the mother I wish I could be for my son. I’ve struggled with demons for a large part of my life and because of these, my son’s father tries to convince me I am never going to be the mother my son deserves. Do you want to know what I witness as his mother? He reaches for me when his father picks him up to leave daycare. He sees me and dives into my arms. He opens his mouth and gives me the sloppiest kisses I’ve ever gotten and boy do I love them! He chases me when I leave the room. He cries when I leave the room. He snuggles with me in bed in the mornings. He points to me and enthusiastically, over and over, says, “Mama!!!” He loves me and I am his mother. I am a good mother.
I’ve witnessed mothers from around the world struggle with an extreme amount of guilt and worry that what they are doing is not right and this is because us as women, take a stance against each other. Breastfeeding versus formula. Vaccinations versus none at all. Co-sleeping versus sleep training. Elaborate Pinterest worthy birthday parties versus having close family over for a homemade birthday cake. Working a full time job versus being a stay at home mother. An all organic diet versus, God forbid, feeding the child a handful of Goldfish® crackers. Whole milk versus almond milk. And it better be organic! I’ve seen so many women stand on a pedestal because they think their way is the best and only way. I have a novel idea. What if we mothers supported one another and each others choices as a mother? Wouldn’t that make all of us mothers better at what we do?